Cyclone wrote:

...the guidelines listed below. On the fourth of July, I'm going to make a poll with...

hehe.

Anyway, yeah, kinda busy so I'll leave it off til then

MrMega wrote:

Cyclone wrote:

...the guidelines listed below. On the fourth of July, I'm going to make a poll with...

hehe.

Anyway, yeah, kinda busy so I'll leave it off til then

Dont make fun of me I hate to read Haha.

Could've made your rhymes a bit more complex, but nice, uh, song.

Cyclone wrote:

Could've made your rhymes a bit more complex, but nice, uh, song.

Complexity has nothing to do with making a decent rap.

Actually, it does.. its not the whole deal, but it is definitely a major part in rapping

Cyclone wrote:

Actually, it does.. its not the whole deal, but it is definitely a major part in rapping

It could have been more complex, but increasing the complexity could decrease the flow of the rap, making it less appealing. Complexity can make a rap more decent, but sometimes it's better to dumb it down a bit to allow the rap to flow Even though I do see a couple of lines I could improve in regards to rhyming.

You can keep the flow and still bump p the complexity

That's true. But I wasn't going for complexity with this one. Just wanted to keep it simple, give it a decent flow, and get the story across. But if i'm allowed to change it a bit i would go back and change a few rhymes.

You can.

Alright thanks for the criticism.

Skate, if you have nothing good to say, stfu

I liked it Jyo. It was moving. Almost made me cry.

I wasn't being rude.. its called constructive criticism. Please do not tell me to 'shut the fuck up ' this is my contest, I'd think it'd be alright to post my opinion and add some constructive criticism. Calm down, its a forum..

Abhor wrote:

Skate, if you have nothing good to say, stfu

I liked it Jyo. It was moving. Almost made me cry.

Thanks man glad you liked it. And my goal was to make it somewhat moving so i'm glad you thought it was

And Skate wasn't being rude one bit, he was trying to help by voicing his opinion. The song could be more complex in terms of rhymes, but I honestly believe it sounds fine the way i wrote it. I think the story is more important than the complexity with this rap and it flows nicely this way. However, when there is no music or vocals behind the lyrics, it can easily be interpreted in many different ways. So I have no problem with the comment because it is true. In my opinion, I think it sounds fine this way. And I think i'll keep it the way it is, maybe add a couple changes. But otherwise i think the rhymes fit with the rap. But I still appreciate Skate's opinion.

I just think that constructive criticism wasn't necessarily called for here.

Well it's a matter of opinion and everyone has their right to voice their opinion, and frankly it was a fairly valid opinion. Like i said, it could be more complex with the rhymes, however, some people like myself may find it to be better when the complexity is limited, and some people would like to see more complexity, like skate. It can probably work both ways, but I like it how it is originally put together. I respect your perspective, but he wasn't trying to be rude . Just trying to help.

P.S.: I'm someone that believes that anything can be given constructive criticism.

Given that 95% of the things said about your rap coming from him have been negative, it's still kind of rude.

But I felt it to be very moving.

Thank you I appreciate that but he wasn't being negative. At least I doubt he was. He was trying to give his opinion and put forth some criticism regarding the complexity of the rhymes.

Thank you Jake. You're a good Guy. Sherlip, please dont pick another fight. Because I wont give it to you

Thank you I appreciate that and you are too. But anyways this conversation has gotten a little out of hand and it's time to get back on topic.

Im about halfway done.

Cool. Can't wait to see it.

Today im raisin’ the standard expectation,
And instillin’ in you a common trepidation.
Im expectin’ to win it all with no frustration,
Cuz I can flow my rhymes with no apprehension.

My beats are my treats that are fully evolved,
They so complex they make your head revolve.
During the termination they’ll be one resolve,
My upcoming triumph will prove what im made of.

I direct my orchestra with an amazin’ complexity,
I leave all of you with a trace of perplexity.
Im known for my flow while you’re a nonentity,
You blend into the crowd while I have a unique identity.

Im known round the town for my colorful vocabulary,
I utilize it in every line, sorta like a constabulary.
You may think you have a chance but it’s to the contrary,
Imma go the whole distance like im a fuckin’ hail mary.

Your raps are dull and they receive tons of criticism,
There aint no competition, youre gonna catch some ableism.
Those other bitches are about to realize their certain amateurism,
Cuz im a consistent show-stealer, im like a human algorithm.

I strive to keep my failures low and my expectations elevated,
My consistency is unsurpassed while you’ve recently abated.
My raps cause inner peace like you’ve been sedated,
After reading my raps all the others look desecrated.

Im now the one to beat, im the top of the class,
My rhythm is superior, it remains unsurpassed.
My lyrics be the smoothest, go compare and contrast,
That’s why imma finish first and you’ll finish last.

Very nice. I'll give you a plus for that .

Thanks! It may be a bit shorter than some of the others, but I hope its good enough.

I believe in quality, not quantity. I'm usually not a fan of raps that pertain to bragging about themselves like yours, even though most of rap is like that, and i'm usually not a fan of over indulgence in terms of complexity, but I was taken a back with yours. Because for the most part it flows really well, and the tendency with adding a lot of complexity is to mess with the rhythm. That could be good for first as of right now.

Haha jk.