Post Jokes Here!

Q. Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice container?

A. Because it said concentrate.

Quote :

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all
these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid,
so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are
smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is
going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets
down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and
smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living
room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at
the same time.

He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks
what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him
that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by
painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket
over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the
directions on the paint can and they said....
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

I'm blond

yyyouccchhh. . .

read my signature

hahaha shkadi that was hilarious

Why does the blonde put a empty bottle in the fridge?


For the people that don't drink.

Yo mamma is so fat that when they want to make a picture of her, they have to use satellite.

A man does a big fart everyday before his wife wakes up to annoy her. she says ' someday you'll fart your guts out ' and he laughs at her.

the next day she got up early. she got a pile of chicken guts. she puts it under his butt and wen he wakes up he says ' wife yer right i farted my guts out! no worrys, i just managed to shove 'em all back! '

HA

What do Obama and God have in common? Neither one has a birth certificate
What's the difference between them? God doesn't think he's Obama.

if obama wasnt elected then we'd still be in iraq and sooner or later there wouldve been a draft

WE STILL ARE IN IRAQ, dumbass. I don't see any draft.

but were getting out of iraq and mcain wouldve died like a year later

Wow are you kidding me. If I had any more to say it would be like a page long, but this is a joke section

Spoiler:

BACK ON TOPIC

Obama is a genius! ANyways, I got a few:

What do you call a guitar falling down a mineshaft?
A Flat Miner. (in guitar notes its spelled A Flat Minor)

How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only one, but the lightbulb must want to change.

How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?
Let's ride bikes! (ADD kids cant pay much attention to things)

Why'd the first monkey fall out of the tree?
It was dead!
Why'd the second monkey fall out of the tree?
It was stapled to the first monkey.
Why'd the third monkey fall out of the tree?
Peer pressure.

Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stomp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stomp out the burning ducks.




:lol!:

jshushij that was not funny nice try any ways .

Heres one thats sorta funny but not super funny:

Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake.
"I'll go into town for a doctor," the other says.
He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town's only doctor, who is delivering a baby.
"I can't leave," the doctor says. "But here's what to do: take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison, and spit it on the ground."
The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony.
"What did the doctor say?" the victim asks.
"He says you're gonna die."

haha nice that was funny

that was ok . but i ckuckeled allitle bit :)

Thanks. Heres another couple mildly funny one:

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

How do you get 3 pikachus and 2 charzards onto a bus?
You poke 'em on.

Many nuns are in silence on the church, but then, all the nuns start laughing and screaming.
Some minutes later, all the nuns gathered on a line to say their sin to God.

The first nun start:

1. Dear God, I was laughing out loud on church, please forgive me.
2. The same
3.The same.....

and more nuns say theyre were laughing on the church, but when they got to the nun #49....she said...


49. Dear God....I....

But then, God interrupts,

God: I know nun, you were laughing on the church too....

And the nun #49 says:

49. No Dear God, I was the nun that made the fart.

And more:

A duck walks into a bar and says, "Got any bread?"
The barman says, "No, this is a bar, we don't have bread."
So the duck says, "Got any bread?"
The barman says, "No, this is a bar, we don't have bread. I told you that."
"Got any bread?" asks the duck.
"No, we don't sell bread here... and if you say that again i will nail you to the table!!!!"
The duck pauses then says, "Got any nails?"
"No," sighs the barman.
So the duck says..."Got any bread?"

Why was the math book so sad?
He had a lot of problems.

Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.

It has been said that Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer. To bad he never cries.

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

This guy went to school and he asked
"May I use the bathroom?"
The teacher replied, " no not unless you say your abc's."
The guy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z."
The teacher asked "Where's the p?
He replied, " running down my leg!"

Which is the oldest animal in the world?
The Zebra. It is the only animal that is still black and white.

Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them.
The first guy drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on.
The second guy says, "What are you doing? Sneakers won't help you outrun that bear."
"I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says, "I just need to outrun you."

A panda walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a sandwhich, he gives him the sandwhich and the panda eats it then shoots the bartender and leaves. a policeman tracks the panda down and says to the panda ' why did you shoot that bartender ' the panda replys ' because the dictionary told me to. it said the average panda eats shoots and leaves. '

Lol, good one. Heres one:

A doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news”.
“Oh dear, what's the bad news?” asks the patient.
The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live.”
“That's terrible”, said the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?”
The doctor replies, “I've been trying to contact you since yesterday.”