This isn't all of it, there is like 10 - 15 parts to it. And it isn't a story with a message, it is a novel.

Part 1:

It was a dark, moonless night; there was no wind and nothingoutside made a noise. The mad-scientist, whose has been working on a scienceexperiment for almost 3 years has almost completed the ‘unstoppable light.’ Theexperiment is being used for the military so it can win in every war. However,the mad-scientist still needs 1 more ingredient to make it perfect. Thisingredient is called ‘chemical AXS,’ this makes the light stronger, faster andmore invisible. However, there was one more ingredient added to thisexperiment. ‘Salt’ was not meant to be added, because it could make the lightgo against its owner and start destroying towns and cities. The mad-scientist,happy with his experiment, puts the experiment into an ‘unbreakable’ glasswall. The glass was supposed to hold himin long enough to convince the light that humans were the leaders and notharmful. However, the salt kicked in andthe light decided to break the glass wall surrounding it. The scientist tried tostop it, but it was too late. The scientist had already been ‘sucked’ into thelight and got bigger. It than destroyed the scientist’s lab and went out tolook for more food.


A high-schooler named Brody and his girlfriend (Brittany)were on a date. Brody had just takenBrittany out for dinner at a diner. He then took her to a movie that was called‘attack of mutants IX.’ Now, they were at a look-out which you could see thewhole town. They have been dating for 3 months,and there relationship has been really good. Brittany is a cheerleader and isreally popular at school. While Brody is strong and good at football and has areally good personality. But is not really popular and doesn’t have manyfriends. When they meet, Brody really liked Brittany; however, Brittany wasn’treally interested. It was when Brody helped Brittany through some tough times;she knew that Brody was a really nice kid. And when they got close, Brody askedher out and she said yes. So anyways, the couple have just been having sex, andthey thought that it was just about time to leave. So they started the car andstarted to back-up, but a bright, big light was coming up fast. They thought itwas a truck that crashed but when they saw that it was just a normal light,they both screamed and in that time they both got eaten by the light.


Brody’s parents were starting to worry about him and hisgirlfriend. So they decided to call the police to see if they could keep on thelook-out of a ’09 Toyota V8 Ute with the number plate ‘KFC 123.’ The policesaid “ok, we will call you if we see them.” A little while longer, the policecalled and they send “we have found tracks that have led to the town look-out.Have they been to the look-out tonight?” The parents, curious, asked “whattypes of tracks are they? And yes, he said he would go to the look-outtonight.” The police answered “it’s hard to explain, it like a hugevacuum-cleaner has sucked up the trees and everything else up. “Ok, we willcome up to the look-out” the parent said, starting to get scared.


The movie was showing its last movie for the night, it wasactually pretty packed compared to other nights that it has. The movie was“Super Moe Bros,” which was a classic comedy which hasn’t been showed here inabout 10 years. The light had gotten bigger; it has grown from 2cm wide toabout 5m! The light has a power which can make it bigger if it eats things, itwas a side-effect which should have been fixed but wasn’t. So the movies werethe closest thing from the edge of town, so the light decided to attack itfirst. The door-man was like “holy-shit, it’s fucking huge!” The surroundingpeople decide to go into a panic and called the FBI, EPA and the local police.
The light however, decided to attack the movie theatre. Theaudience was really frightened when the light suddenly went through the moviescreen. Everyone rushed to the doors, but the light had suddenly doubled insize! It made almost an impossible escape for the audience. “Ssssllluuurrrrppp”went the light “Aaarrrgggghhh” said the audience ‘Bang!’ when the move theatre,the whole building got knocked over and the people were either hurt or killed.The light, which was now basically the size of the once standing building, waseating the rumble. Suddenly, the police arrive. “Damn, look at the size of thatbitch,” said one of the officers. “FIRE!” yelled the chief. Suddenly, all the police were shooting at thelight. But it was no use; the light would just eat the bullets. The light had destroyed the movie theatre, and then ate therumble of the remains of the building. The light, they realised, was way toostrong, it couldn’t be stopped, made smaller or even slowed down. The light was about to destroy the nextbuilding in the path when suddenly, the sun came up and the light started todisappear. Everyone was like “woohoo, we stopped it!”

Oh btw, this isn't be grammar, punctation, etc checked. And there is mild swearing in this, but not too major.

What is with all of these book like things? I am guessing this is going to end up being a subforum eventually.

Very inconsructive, bro. Add more detail and analyze on it.

Eh...lots of grammar mistakes. Almost enough to intefere with reading flow, especially wordsbunched up like that with no space in-between. That makes it really hard to read.

Otherwise, nice story.

Story without any meaning? Is that even possible?

BoBo wrote:

This isn't all of it, there is like 10 - 15 parts to it. And it isn't a story with a message, it is a novel.

Part 1:

It was a dark, moonless night; there was no wind and nothingoutside made a noise. The mad-scientist, whose has been working on a scienceexperiment for almost 3 years has almost completed the ‘unstoppable light.’ Theexperiment is being used for the military so it can win in every war. However,the mad-scientist still needs 1 more ingredient to make it perfect. Thisingredient is called ‘chemical AXS,’ this makes the light stronger, faster andmore invisible. However, there was one more ingredient added to thisexperiment. ‘Salt’ was not meant to be added, because it could make the lightgo against its owner and start destroying towns and cities. The mad-scientist,happy with his experiment, puts the experiment into an ‘unbreakable’ glasswall. The glass was supposed to hold himin long enough to convince the light that humans were the leaders and notharmful. However, the salt kicked in andthe light decided to break the glass wall surrounding it. The scientist tried tostop it, but it was too late. The scientist had already been ‘sucked’ into thelight and got bigger. It than destroyed the scientist’s lab and went out tolook for more food.


A high-schooler named Brody and his girlfriend (Brittany)were on a date. Brody had just takenBrittany out for dinner at a diner. He then took her to a movie that was called‘attack of mutants IX.’ Now, they were at a look-out which you could see thewhole town. They have been dating for 3 months,and there relationship has been really good. Brittany is a cheerleader and isreally popular at school. While Brody is strong and good at football and has areally good personality. But is not really popular and doesn’t have manyfriends. When they meet, Brody really liked Brittany; however, Brittany wasn’treally interested. It was when Brody helped Brittany through some tough times;she knew that Brody was a really nice kid. And when they got close, Brody askedher out and she said yes. So anyways, the couple have just been having sex, andthey thought that it was just about time to leave. So they started the car andstarted to back-up, but a bright, big light was coming up fast. They thought itwas a truck that crashed but when they saw that it was just a normal light,they both screamed and in that time they both got eaten by the light.


Brody’s parents were starting to worry about him and hisgirlfriend. So they decided to call the police to see if they could keep on thelook-out of a ’09 Toyota V8 Ute with the number plate ‘KFC 123.’ The policesaid “ok, we will call you if we see them.” A little while longer, the policecalled and they send “we have found tracks that have led to the town look-out.Have they been to the look-out tonight?” The parents, curious, asked “whattypes of tracks are they? And yes, he said he would go to the look-outtonight.” The police answered “it’s hard to explain, it like a hugevacuum-cleaner has sucked up the trees and everything else up. “Ok, we willcome up to the look-out” the parent said, starting to get scared.


The movie was showing its last movie for the night, it wasactually pretty packed compared to other nights that it has. The movie was“Super Moe Bros,” which was a classic comedy which hasn’t been showed here inabout 10 years. The light had gotten bigger; it has grown from 2cm wide toabout 5m! The light has a power which can make it bigger if it eats things, itwas a side-effect which should have been fixed but wasn’t. So the movies werethe closest thing from the edge of town, so the light decided to attack itfirst. The door-man was like “holy-shit, it’s fucking huge!” The surroundingpeople decide to go into a panic and called the FBI, EPA and the local police.
The light however, decided to attack the movie theatre. Theaudience was really frightened when the light suddenly went through the moviescreen. Everyone rushed to the doors, but the light had suddenly doubled insize! It made almost an impossible escape for the audience. “Ssssllluuurrrrppp”went the light “Aaarrrgggghhh” said the audience ‘Bang!’ when the move theatre,the whole building got knocked over and the people were either hurt or killed.The light, which was now basically the size of the once standing building, waseating the rumble. Suddenly, the police arrive. “Damn, look at the size of thatbitch,” said one of the officers. “FIRE!” yelled the chief. Suddenly, all the police were shooting at thelight. But it was no use; the light would just eat the bullets. The light had destroyed the movie theatre, and then ate therumble of the remains of the building. The light, they realised, was way toostrong, it couldn’t be stopped, made smaller or even slowed down. The light was about to destroy the nextbuilding in the path when suddenly, the sun came up and the light started todisappear. Everyone was like “woohoo, we stopped it!”

Oh btw, this isn't be grammar, punctation, etc checked. And there is mild swearing in this, but not too major.

NOvels have a message...

Fine, the message of the story is "don't try and create nature, or there will be disastrous results." Also, this is still early days for this story. I'll edit everything when I've written everything.

Sorry Barty, that's not how stories work. Don't show anybody the work in progress, only make it public when you are completely and totally finished with it. You may only show somebody a work in progress if you are practiced in writing and have total confidence.

Your "moral" as you call it, doesn't make sense. When you say "don't try to create nature", are you trying to tell people that you can't act like God or you'll be fucking sucked into oblivion, or are you implying something else entirely?

Your grammatical structure is off, badly. If you're typing up your stories here on Fuji, I suggest you stop doing that and start using Word, because you really need something capable of spellcheck.

You don't write, you ramble. Your grammar is off, your structure is off and your story is comprised of run-on sentences more than anything else. Generally, I couldn't read it past the first paragraph.

I'm sorry if I'm being mean, and to be honest it's nice that you're trying, but if you really want to write I suggest laying off the novelism (I made a new word, deal with it) and write shorter, more to-the-point pieces. It's like driving, you can't drive on major roads the first time you get behind the wheel.

Keep at it, you'll improve.

I did do this on word. This was actually the first story I have written. And some words may be stuck together for some reason.

If you really did that on Word, I can't understand why your spellcheck didn't pick up all your errors. =/

tl;dr.
soz

I didn't like it that much.